Miserable Mamma

So, I have something I need to get off my chest. I think I am half way through probably my most miserable week to date of being pregnant. It seems I have had only a few moods this week that I have rotated through… sadness, anger/irritation, panic or just general dismay/confusion. Our baby is now the size of an onion, and that is exactly what I have felt like most of this week. Like a sour onion. I even had to give myself a time out last night.

So I am seventeen weeks pregnant and a basket case. Perfect. Not exactly the pregnancy utopia I had in mind. I pictured the happiest cutest pregnant woman — a super earth mama, doing yoga and eating fruit and being all gorgeous. But this wouldn’t be the blog I promised myself it would be if I didn’t admit that this week I am a bit of a mess, and sometimes being pregnant just sucks. Just plain sucks.

Ok… now that it’s off my chest, I also need to tell you that I will be fine. I think I just need some sleep, some time away from my job and my awful clients, a good work out, a hug from my husband that will reassure me he won’t leave me if I am a crazy b*tch from here on in during this pregnancy, and maybe some pants that fit.

On a brighter note… my hair looks super shiny, thick and healthy, I haven’t really had one pimple since I found out I was pregnant (someone even mentioned I am glowing this week), and I am taking a business trip to sunny Los Angeles in a week. I am going to leave early and spend some time with my dear friend Jenny. Maybe some vitamin D and Jenny’s ability to make me laugh is just what I need. Oh… and I guess I could pick worse places to shop than LA for some clothes that fit. ☺

T-14 hours and two minutes left in this work week.

Challenge #2 - Nesting

When I was home over the Christmas holidays I had an interesting conversation with one of my sister’s friends (who also is pregnant) about a pregnant woman’s “nesting instinct”. I found the idea fascinating, because I had never really heard anyone talk about this before. She described her own urge as she hit her third trimester to clean, to organize and to BAKE! To bake and bake and bake!!! In my head I kind of scoffed at the idea. I like to cook, but I have never been a baker, nor did I think any amount of pregnancy hormone could possibly have me up at night pulling fresh bread and tarts from my oven. Walking to a bakery at night maybe, baking it myself... Never would you see the day. Anyway, at the time of that conversation, I was really just finishing my first trimester and just carrying my dishes from my table to the sink was A LOT for me.

So I googled it. Like I have done just about every day of my pregnancy, as I encounter something else I have never experienced, never heard of, or hear things that just flat out shock or scare me. So, it’s apparently true... many pregnant women experience the nesting instinct, “a powerful urge to prepare their home for the baby by cleaning and decorating. Or perhaps tackling projects you haven't had time to do.”

Well, I think IT'S HAPPENING TO ME! Given I have no permanent home to really start decorating for the baby yet, (we’re moving before July), what I HAVE been doing is slowing cleaning... organizing and I think the most SHOCKING of which is this weekend, I bought a ROLLING PIN!!! AND I USED IT!!! Yup, I officially have no idea who I am anymore. I bought a rolling pin, made dough, and rolled Peter his favourite pizza on the weekend. I am turning into my sister right before my very OWN eyes (which isn’t a bad thing), it’s just sort of wild.

And here is the other thing... I signed myself up for SEWING LESSONS. And I am REALLY excited about them. As of February 1st, I am taking an 8 week program at the Sewing Studio in Toronto.

http://www.lovesewing.com/

I will have 16 hours of sewing instruction and at the end of it, I will be able to sew. Sew sew sew!!! I will sew stuff for our baby. Because, our baby won’t judge the quality of it. HA!

Anyway, so I am nesting. And, if it wasn’t apparently perfectly NORMAL in pregnancy, I would say it’s flat out CRAZY!

Banana Pancakes

This morning my wonderful husband made his baby +1 banana almond pancakes for breakfast. An amazing beginning to a wonderfully lazy and mild Sunday. I had to post a picture of the pancakes...as Peter put them down in front of me he announced he had made them in the stages of the baby's size growth. How cute it that?!? It reminded me of something that has also been on my mind as of late. That men go through pregnancy too. I know... what a revelation. It's something that a girlfriend and I (who is also pregnant) have discussed a few times recently. Our worlds, our lives, our bodies and most definitely our brains, have undoubtedly changed... and if we're honest, it's quite easy to forget that so have the lives of our partners. Even before the baby arrives, life as we BOTH have known it, has changed. Sounds sort of dramatic, but it's true. I am not exactly the same person I was a few months ago (aside from the obvious things like my growing stomach). So if I am not the same... WE are not the same.

So today I am thankful for a partner who through all of the changes in his own world, kisses me and my belly in the morning and says I love you, addresses me as his baby + 1 because he acknowledges there is two of us here, walks to the corner store for dill pickle chips when I ask, gives me back massages, comes to all our doctors appointments with keen interest, reads parenting books at night, and is committed to a plan of where and how we want to raise our family together.

Oh... and who makes REALLY good banana pancakes. xoxo

Let's hear it for the girl!

Our baby girl! Well... That’s what we think we’re having anyway. Peter and I very early on decided that we would like to know the baby's sex when we're able to. Coincidentally, we also very early on let each other know that we BOTH think we’re having a girl! We officially find out on February 16th the sex of our little avocado, so stay tuned.

To add a little fuel to the prediction we're sharing though... I should mention that my "pregnancy intuition" has been pretty bang on so far. For instance, I KNEW I was pregnant (keep in mind we were NOT trying to get pregnant). I woke up the last week of our honeymoon and just felt weird. I couldn’t really explain it, but I announced to Peter I thought I was pregnant. With a laugh he dismissed the idea and we likely went back to sipping cocktails in the sun, but the point is, I KNEW. Of course... We didn’t confirm it until later when we arrived home, but my intuition was RIGHT! I miss our honeymoon.

With all that said, we really just want a healthy baby. What more could any parent want? And baby boys are so much fun! Whether it's a boy or a girl we are growing more and more excited (as my belly gets more and more round), to meet them!

Speaking of a healthy baby...health is something that is on my mind a lot these days. I try to eat the "super foods" I am supposed to, I am exercising regularly, I take pre-natal vitamins every day, I don't eat the foods I am not supposed to (with the exception of nachos, but they are a whole food group to me)... Pretty much everything that I eat or do makes me think of this little one growing inside of me. So much so, I have even started drinking MILK. BY THE GLASS!!! And just today I lowered the volume and changed my music selection on my IPOD at the gym to something calmer because it occurred to me I might be disturbing the baby. I also got a shipment of the CUTEST maternity clothes ever today! I ordered them online because I find shopping for them too frustrating and way too expensive. I can’t wait to show them off. So all to say... I am taking good care of this baby. Beverages – check. Music – check. Cute clothing – check. Clearly, I am going to be a great mom. :)

To whomever is sharing my body with me... a little boy or a little girl, I already love you.

PS - my "move my butt" challenge this week is going well!

Pregnancy Challenge #1

Well... It’s here. That grey, cold, wet, and rather useless (now that Peter’s birthday has passed) part of the winter that usually delivers some variation of the blues to my everyday mood. For this reason alone, November and February are by far my least favourite months (see earlier post about being a summer child). I am getting this sinking feeling that this year, my winter blues have a great potential of being compounded by the following;

Broken toe
Pregnancy Indigestion
Pregnancy Hormones (which bring me to tears through no fault of the weather or anything else for that matter).
Pregnancy Insomnia
Work (routine crap)
Home sick (also routine)
Weight Gain. 1 lb a week to be exact (if I follow the steady gains I am supposed to). Gaining weight, pregnancy or not is never going to be something I am going to be happy about. The day I step off a scale and celebrate a pound of weight I have added to my 5, 7’ frame will be, well, let’s just say it will never happen.

So what’s my plan? I decided last night need that I need a plan to get me through to the sunny-side of the 2010. So... I am going to do it in the form of weekly challenges to keep me motivated, healthy, and happy.

This week’s challenge is... That I do some sort of physical activity 5 out of the 7 days this week. It is no secret to myself that my entire life I have felt happier, healthier, calmer and more clear headed when I am consistently exercising. Peter and I started running in the spring of last year and carried through until our wedding day, which incidentally is when our little Autumn Surprise was conceived. Being super healthy probably wasn’t a coincidence.

So... Day one of this weeks challenge went well. We hit the gym at 5:45am for a fantastic work out. Wish me luck for the rest of the week!

P.S

I am pretty sure I broke my toe this weekend. I would like to tell that I can add "klutzy" to my laundry list of pregnancy ailments but it would be a lie. I was a klutz before, and I am sure I will be a klutz after, this baby is born. I think I get that gene from my dad. With that said, the end of the bed in our cabin had one seriously inappropriate "jut" out from the bottom and now my middle toe is broken, and I am sad.

I have a broken toe, and I am pretty sure what are the first signs of pregnancy indigestion. More on the indigestion later, (after I google it to see if it is indeed what I am experiencing). Happy Sunday.

Peter’s birthday with his baby +1

If opposites truly do attract, than you need look no further for evidence than my husband’s (Peter) love of a cold, crisp and bright winter day (being a winter baby), and my love for the EXACT opposite (being a summer baby).

January 16th, marked Peter’s 33rd birthday and we did what most people in Toronto do when they need to celebrate something combined with needing some down time, and we went out of town!

What does one that loves the bitter (or in Peter’s words – crisp) beauty of winter; want to do on their birthday? Well go to the beach obviously?!?! Peter’s baby +1 (who coincidentally is also going to be a summer baby) were incredibly thankful for a relatively mild weekend. Although, temperatures drop a shocking amount the closer you get to any beach in mid January. FYI.

Peter’s birthday celebrations kicked off with one of our favourite past times… a delicious lazy brunch, followed by browsing through record shops on Queen Street. We then headed east to Cobourg (Peter’s home town) and checked ourselves into a little cottage on Lake Ontario called The Breakers. We had a wonderful dinner in town and a cozy evening back at the Inn. We slept well, we played outside in the fresh "crisp" air, and we got to visit a new restaurant which is partly owned/operated by some of Peter’s friends.

And today was supposed to be my big surprise, but unfortunately it was foiled by the mild weather I had been so thankful for the day before. I wanted to take Peter to this old outdoor rink, call Cedarena to go for an afternoon skate! It's an old outdoor rink that was built in the 1920s that is just outside of Toronto. They play music from the 40s and 50s, couples skate hand in hand like old times and they even serve hot chocolate and hot apple cider, perfect for Peter! But… alas, the mild temperatures we have been getting here in Toronto wouldn’t have it. So what did we do instead? Well, the only thing to do! We were off to see some wonderful country music at the Communist Daughter on Dundas West. No skate... but I think the beer and music made up for it.

This was Peter’s first birthday as a husband, and next year will be his first as a dad. Today we wondered out loud how different this weekend will be next year, with our 6 month old! Time will tell us that, in the meantime, we both are growing more excited to become parents. On the conclusion of Peter’s birthday weekend, I should also mention how wonderful of a dad Peter is going to be. That I know. Happy Birthday Peter. xoxox

Who ever said pregnancy isn’t confusing. Didn’t count months by weeks, days by trimesters, and trimesters by lunar months.

And they certainly weren’t talking in pregnancy acronyms.

I will admit to all those pregnant before me, hearing you talk about how many weeks you were pregnant, often confused me. I often have thought “Why do I have to do the math work?” “Why don't you just say how many months pregnant you are?”

Well now that I am pregnant, knowing how many “months along” I am doesn’t seem so simple. Nine months in a pregnancy right? Well, not quite.

It really seems like I get a different answer depending on who I ask, or what website I visit. Some say you’re actually pregnant for 10 months, some say 9, some just tell it as it is... I am going to be slowly baking this little one for a full 280 days (or 40 weeks) - well , that’s if you count from my last LMP (last menstrual period). If you don’t, then it’s about 266 days from conception to birth. You confused yet?

Based on the above, and my certainness (or there lack of) of when my EXACT LMP (last menstrual period) started and stopped... Determines how accurate my doctors EDD is (Estimate Due Date). Whew.

So I have done some investigating... The probable reason pregnant woman (including myself) talk in weeks vs. months is that every month does not have four weeks. This was a big AHA for me. I then reflected on when I used to get paid every two weeks and remembered fondly those months were I actually netted three paychecks instead of two (now I just get paid on the 15th and 30th)... So it all started to make a bit more sense. Not all months are created the same. But what’s the difference? Why does it matter? Why can’t for simplicity and conversational sake I just round up?

I am meeting my obstetrician for the first time today, maybe she can shed some light or rather, some concrete dates on my pregnancy.

Until then, I will maintain that I am 15 weeks, give or take a few days pregnant, and this bambino is due SOMETIME in July.

It is a gift...

But a baby gift! Over the holidays we were given some of our very first baby gifts. The first of which was from my dear sister who gave me the cutest canvas night light by Oopsy Daisy. It is absolutely adorable. We can’t wait to put it in the babies room. Stephanie sent the parcel with my parents who came down for a visit to Toronto with Peter and I just before the holidays. I will be really honest and tell you that when I first opened this beautiful light, I didn’t immediately register it was for the baby. I thought my sister was recalling the incessant trips to the bathroom she had to make during her own pregnancy and was sending this little dangle monkey to help light the way on my own nightly (multiple) bathroom trips. My mom then delicately pointed out it wasn’t actually for me, is was for our growing little one upon their arrival. Slightly awkward. I had to laugh at myself. It was odd being given something that I got to open but was actually for someone else. Is that bad? We received a few other cute little things for the baby over the holidays so I easily now recognize the “for you to open, but not for you, and not to use until baby arrives” type gifts. I am into it now. :)


Thanks Steph! We love the light.

Mom Inspiration

It’s been an odd weekend. A weekend full of activity and also marked by moments that have reminded me once again how precious life is. Truly, the only things that matter in life are friends and family. This blog entry is dedicated to my sister Stephanie, who is not only my best friend, but also happens to be the most wonderful mother I know (besides our own mom of course). She is my ‘mom’ inspiration.

I really don’t know how she manages to do all that she does… what I do know is that my sister is raising two incredibly beautiful children, has a happy marriage and is a devoted wife, is a wonderful chef, looks and feels healthier and happier than she will tell you she has in a long time, and still manages time for family and friends (including everything she did this past year helping me get ready for our wedding). If I have been learning through her mothering osmosis over the last four years, I have no doubt that I will be just fine when our little one arrives. If not… I have my sister on speed dial.

I love you and your beautiful family Stephanie. Thank you for all that you do for all of us.
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Baby’s got back

My energy back! What did you think I meant?

HOORAY! My doctor PROMISED me this would happen when I started my second trimester and I will be honest; I was planning to hold her to it. I am REALLY happy to tell you that I am back! My breasts aren't quite as tender and are feeling less and less like foreign objects to me, my energy level is WAY better, I even made it to the GYM THIS MORNING AT 6AM! And probably best of all, I don’t feel like I want to be sick or that I have to pee constantly anymore!!! Picture me now giving you a virtual high five. So, my body is officially starting to think, “don't worry mamma, brighter days are here to stay and the sun will indeed come out tomorrow”. Well, not so fast baby. What’s with my inability to sleep at night??? This is not supposed to happened until my THIRD trimester? Everything I am reading says the second trimester is supposed to be the “HONEYMOON” phase of pregnancy? Perhaps because I am JUST at week 14 I just need to be more patient for that ‘love n feelin’ to arrive. I want that 'love n feelin' NOW dammit!

I’ll give it the weekend.

Until then, (and despite this obnoxious insomnia), I am going to take advantage of my returned energy and start catching up on things I haven’t been able to bring myself to do these last few months. And perhaps it’s also time to take our Christmas tree down.

Attached are some pictures of the ornaments I made as Christmas presents for some of our family and friends as a special way to announce our growing little peanut (which is now a lemon, but as Peter pointed out, it makes the baby sound sour). Oh... and I also told some of my girlfriends with these fun little cupcakes! I didn't make the cupcakes. Stephanie was the only one that got the baking gene in our family.

Makin’ us believers

Today was our second ultrasound. And OH MY GOD THERE IS A BABY IN THERE! We had a very early ultrasound done at 8 weeks and although we saw the baby, and his/her little heart beating, it was really still quite hard for us to believe this thing that looked nothing more than a little peanut on the screen, was a baby. Six weeks later and this kid is lookin’ good! It really is incredible how much he/she has grown in such a short period of time. The baby looks almost fully developed but of course we know he/she is still super small. The baby was really active during our screening and we think we even got a few waves and just like the babies father Peter who likes to impress... For the grand finale, our baby did a BACK FLIP right before our eyes and then snuggled back in (back facing us) for some rest. Almost telling us, “the show is over”. It was hard not to clap. Or cry. Peter and I both were teary eyed. I have to admit, all of the sudden being "PREGNANT" is starting to feel pretty real.

Everybody else is doing it...

Writing blogs that is. So I have been inspired by my beautiful and talented group of girlfriends to share some of what is happening in my day to day life by their own fantastic blogging creations. Note – I would have never considered doing this before I was PREGNANT. Because let’s be honest, who really cares about my hectic life in advertising? Because frankly, I even find it hard to care sometimes. I mean, how many times could you really be bothered to read about my frustrating meeting, or my clients who think “bite me” is appropriate feedback on a piece of creative work, or my art directors who think “it’s not my job” is an appropriate response to requested changes? The only thing interesting about the whole industry is what we all get up to AFTER we leave our jobs and I can’t even do that anymore. Well, I could, but not drinking and being crazy tired (and sometimes just crazy period), sort of has sucked all the fun out of it. I also have this strict personal rule that I don’t hang out with work people, after work... Sober.

So yes, I am PREGNANT! And being PREGNANT is WAY more interesting than advertising. More interesting, but not entirely different. My body these days seems to change it’s mind about what it wants and what it needs as quickly as my clients do. By the day. Sometimes by the hour.

As of today, I am 14 weeks give or take a few days - PREGNANT. Writing PREGNANT in capitals makes me think you might feel a little of the same SURPRISE I did when I first heard the words "PREGNANT" and "YOU ARE" together at the same time. In the same sentence.

I have already crossed some BIG milestones. The first and what I feel is likely the biggest, is officially making it past the severe nausea and exhaustion I experienced during my first trimester. Bleh. That was the word that most often left my mouth during those weeks. What a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster of emotion, of questions, of doubt, and of CRAZY food aversions! But all is better now and things are looking good. Except my pants. They just look TIGHT.

So, it's hard to go back and tell you all that has happened in the last 3 months since our beautiful wedding on October 17th. But, what else do you really need to know besides this... I am crazy in love with a man that adores me and I have an little autumn surprise growing in my belly. SURPRISE! We will get more intimate about these details down the road. Promise.
So welcome to my blog, I am glad you’re along for this journey. They say it takes a village to raise a child... And it might just take this entire metropolitan city and most definitely ALL of YOU, to get me there.