Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Thinking about baby number two

Don’t get excited, we’re not there yet. Actually, we’re not even really close to being there, but the topic has come up a few times in different circles in the last few weeks, and I would be lying if I told you that the idea doesn’t occupy a spot on the never ending list of things I stress myself out about.

So, it all started with a pretty casual conversation about baby number two with my mom-girls over our weekly coffee date a couple of weeks ago.  “Are you ready? Will you ever be ready? Have you talked about it?  When are you thinking?”  And then… a few of them with actual plans… “I want to get pregnant this summer”.  Huh?!


Weren’t we like JUST pregnant?  Are we not still raising BABIES? Are we not still all suffering from post natal urinary incontinence, hormonal imbalances and sleep deprivation? 

Yes, Yes and YES!!!  Stupid teeth.

The conversation was further exposed by the physical I had last week and the gentle probing from my own doctor about birth control, a second child, and if my husband and I had actually done the math on when we need to get pregnant to have children spaced apart to our liking.

Obviously. Not.

On top of those conversations… I swear I have been asked at least a half dozen more times in the last couple of weeks. If? When? Start now?  Why not? Are you thinking about it?  You should do it!

Is there something specific or magical about the 9 month milestone that somehow starts these conversations?

So, the truth is… Although a serious conversation about the subject has yet to be had… For the first time just recently, I can actually picture us with another child. Believe me when I tell you… this is a giant leap for my hormonal anxiety ridden and exhausted mind.   Things are actually super good these days. At some point in the last eight and half months we truly have hit an easy stride. Being parents is fun. Rory is hilarious. And we are a happy happy family. 

So ok then… why wouldn’t we right?   

How hard could it be if were to have another baby like Rory?  I mean, by all accounts Rory was a text book/angel baby.  He never had colic, he learned very early how to soothe himself to sleep, he started sleeping through the night at 3 months old (I know, you want to poke my eyes out right now), and he has smiles and laughs for everyone. So... let’s do it again then right?

Not so fast.

We have twins in our family.

And there are a few things I want to do before having another baby.

(1)   Re-claim my career, or some semblance of.
(2)   Lose the baby weight from the first go-around (down another 6lbs – getting there!)
(3) Consider where we will PUT another baby if we stay in this house
(4)   And just enjoy Rory and Peter and all the special moments we have just the three of us until the time/day/moment feels right.

So there you have. Someday, maybe, I am not sure, probably, thinking about it. Not thinking about it.  Forget it. For now.

Here are some tips google gave me for deciding;
(1)   Consult your partner.  – have only done in jest
(2)   Don't rush. – (The experts say anywhere between 24 and 35 months is the sweet spot). Great we have LOTS of time, contrary to my doctor and my anxious coffee mommys.
(3)   Weigh the sibling factor. (Providing a sibling for your firstborn is
not a sufficient reason for having another baby.)  - I think we’re ok there.
(4)   Visualize life with two.  – would rather not right now. Guess that’s not in favor of “ready”.
(5)   Visualize life with one.  – We’re living it.
(6)   Think ahead.  – It’s all I do. See reference above to anxiety and stress.
(7)   Consider your resources.  – does that mean my bank account? If so, another strike in favor of “ready” for now.
(8)   Reframe the question. (How would you feel upon learning that you couldn't have another child?) – Uh, too heavy. Let’s keep this light for now ok?
(9)   Make a choice.  – Eventually
(10) Revisit said decision and do it.  :)

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