Back to work. Decisions Decisions

I go back to work May 24th. That is 3 weeks from today!  As the date gets closer and closer my anxiety seems to rise about so many things... it will be quicker just to list them I think.

1. The time that it has been just been Rory and I is coming to an end, and there will be an inevitable pat leave baton pass to my husband Peter for 5 weeks and then to a team of care givers at a chosen daycare.  The long and short of it is... I am worried about missing new things Rory does.
2. I am going to need to learn how to use my brain again and quickly. 
3. I haven't completely lost all my baby weight yet. Although, I do feel really good. I am working out HARD right now. Like 5 times a week hard... so I am not too concerned about getting to a comfortable body image in the weeks ahead. But man I would give just about anything to be one of those girls who just lost it all breastfeeding. Gawd, I hate them. :)

So as I look ahead and the big changes on the horizon, it's time to make some big decisions. And Daycare is at the top of that list. 

Peter and I prepared ourselves early for the daycare dilemma. It's not easy to find good childcare in this city (that doesn't cost a fortune), so we heeded the advice of many friends and strangers alike and got ourselves on MANY waiting lists even back when we were just 7 months pregnant. Rory is scheduled to start daycare on July 5th, and we haven't heard from a single one of the 9 waiting lists we are on.  Isn't that nuts?? With that said, the options we do have though are VERY good.  

So the current dilemma is this... We are registered at a fantastic daycare in our neighborhood together with each of the babies of the mom's I have been hanging with my entire leave. Awesome right? Totally awesome. We struck collective gold with this place (just the fact we found it right at the moment they were opening a new baby room and ALL got in).  It's walking distance from here, Rory knows all the babies he will be with, it's financially reasonable, their staff is made up of nurses and early childhood care specialists,  and they have all sorts of development activities built into their day plans.  Check, check, check, check. But there was a point a few months back that I got nervous, and I wasn't totally sure a daycare in our neighborhood made sense and that Rory would be better off (and so would I) if he was closer to us. So we wait listed ourselves at the fantastic daycare in Peter's office building and guess what... we found out yesterday we're in. 

What to do. What to do.... I am so torn I am losing sleep over it. A lot of sleep.

The pros and cons are far too many to list. I just want him to be happy and healthy and loved wherever he is at the end of the day... But here are the ones weighing heaviest on my mind are (in no particular order).... 

1. Proximity. Meaning, how close is Rory to us in order to maximize time with us and lessen time in daycare. (i.e - if he's close, we can pick him up earlier etc). If he's sick we can get to him fast etc etc. 
2. Developmental Programming/Curriculum (cognitive, communication, social-emotional and sensorimotor) 
3. Staff Ratio, and Staff Background
4. Cleanliness and policies on sick kids
5. Nutrition 
6. Cost (there is a BIG difference in the cost of these two places)
7. Safety
8. References/Licenses. etc
9. Parental Participation (encouraged or not encouraged)
10. Sleeping/Napping - Schedules, sleeping accommodations and practices. 

Tomorrow, Rory and I are going to the daycare that we're currently registered at... and then the one in Peter's building. I have my questions ready for both places, I am just not sure if the answer is ever going to be that clear. 

If I try to picture Rory this summer playing outside, is it more important that I can visualize him with all his little friends that he's spent the first year of his life with? Or that I know Peter can just pop upstairs on his lunch and the two of them can enjoy a sandwich in the sun together?

Ugh. the thought of it all is making me sick Stay tuned.