Some new milestones worth mentioning

In all the hype of our first night away (which was awesome - we were fast asleep by 11:30), I forgot to mention Rory is doing two brand new pretty spectacular things.  He is now rolling from his back all the way to his stomach!!!!! AND, he is pretty much sitting on his own! Well, until he face plants into the floor after about 3 minutes.  Thank God for these spongy tiles because Rory's forehead doesn't love my hardwood as much as I do.  This past week Rory could roll to his tummy if I placed him on his side, but this morning I left him on his back and ran to the bathroom and I got back and was greeted with this face. So proud of himself.  Although, he seems to have forgotten how to roll back to his back which is he did earlier on at 3 months. So now he gets stuck and cries. Oh well.... I have no interest in baby proofing my house yet, so he can hang out in this stage for a wee while longer and its A-OK with me.

Facebook Freak out & Prepping for Solids

So I am having a facebook freak out.  Two things have happened that have reinforced my desire to remove all the pictures of Rory from facebook (probably slightly OCD but justified in this moment). So I did it. I almost deleted my entire profile but then realized I would literally cut myself off from the world. Dramatic, I know... And probably even more concerning, is that I would never again wish anyone I love happy birthday. Because let's be honest, my memory gets worse by the day. I need to figure out a better way to share pictures. Maybe I will go the old fashion route and start carrying pictures in my wallet. Doesn't that sound civilized?

Other than freaking out over my family's privacy, I am prepping to start Rory on solids!  Can you believe it?  It's like weeks away.  My little baby is growing so fast!  I am reading three books on starting solids, re-reading the material we were given by the Toronto public health,  took one class at the Toronto Public Library called 'Learning to cook for baby' (useless), and I am shopping this week for a....

1. high chair
2. food mill
3. plastic bowls/cups
4. Oh, and I guess some rice cereal

AND...... I am hosting all mommy friends here on Thursday for our weekly get together.  It's the first time at our house and believe it or not I am sort of anxious about it. Must get my tree up before they come over!

Busy Busy Busy!!

xo

Five months and a very special 5th birthday

Time flies when you're having fun!

Happy Birthday Jenna!!! See you tomorrow. Rory has your gift all ready for you! xoxoxo

Bringing back that lovin' feelin'

 It's a big week! Not only does Rory turn FIVE MONTHS OLD tomorrow, but Friday we celebrate another big milestone in our little family. We're leaving Rory over night in someone elses care (my parents) for the first time!!!??!!! You know... so we can bring back that love and feeling. (read- eat a meal at the same time, drink a little or a lot, listen to some live music AND SLEEP!

Oh do I plan to SLEEP.  

We are heading home to Almonte late tomorrow night and leaving late in the day on Friday for Wakefield PQ. We will be dropping into the Blacksheep Inn and the Wakefield Mill. We plan to have tons o' fun. We had planned to do this in October for our wedding anniversary but I was too nervous. I didn't feel like we we ready. Let's be honest. I wasn't ready.  I am sure Rory wouldn't have missed a beat.

I bought something special for  Rory to wear so he won't be sad without us. I think these will get him sufficient enough attention at my mom and dads on Friday night when the Leafs take on the Sabers from my Leaf worshiping parents.

Can't wait.
xo

Remembering You

You're never far from my thoughts each day. And in so many ways the little boy that smiles so big for me, reminds me of you. We were blessed to have you in our lives. I will write your name in the sand until we meet again. With love always.
xo

Welcome to the world Piper Rose!

My cousin Allison gave birth to a beautiful little girl this week, welcome to the world little Piper Rose (how cute is her name?)! She joins her big sister Alexis and big brother Damon who have ohhhhh so much to teach this little girl. Allison now has three babies under the age of 3. It makes her two things to me, (1) crazy and (2) officially my hero mom. :)  We can't wait to meet her this Christmas!

Sending our love. xoxoxo

Piper Rose Fish, Born November 15th, 7lbs, 6oz

Anticipating a First Christmas

Snow and the approaching holidays seemed so far from thought last week when we were all out enjoying the (seasonally unusual) super warm days. Well, unless you were in a Loblaws, because Christmas officially has exploded in there. Anyway, the warm weather aside... I am getting SO excited for Christmas.  Christmas is already by far my favourite holiday, but having Rory this year is going to make it just SO MUCH FUN! 

So Peter and I have already decided we're not going to go crazy on gifts for Rory this year. Because well, (a) we can't really afford to, and (b) what does a 6 month old really need?  He won't understand gifts, and (3) my sister sent me home last week from Almonte with a ridiculous amount of toys her kids have outgrown. They are all barely used, and each one of them makes an obscene amount of noise. Thanks Aunt Stephanie. I am sure your kids will enjoy the ghetto blasters I am giving them for Christmas too.

Anyway, so the search began for a gift, just one, that we could give Rory for his first Christmas that perhaps he would be able to keep.  I racked my brain trying to think of something and then by chance (as  my girlfriend Lou will tell you, they have designed their stores to do), I came across THIS... at my local HomeSense.

The Bambino Classico Pull Sled

It's made by a company called Mountain Boy Sledworks. Handmade of real birch planks, hand-carved hand rails. Totally gorgeous. It looks like an heirloom, but it is designed for today's hard packed snow and ice. Soooo cool and affordable. If you're looking for a great gift, check these guys out. I am super excited for snow now!! So Rory is getting this and one or two tin toys for the collection we have started for him. Which he will never be able to play with, just look at (kids love those kind of gifts right?)  ha! You can find some of them at Blackbird!

tis' the season! 

Thanks for the super awesome Nano bag Vicki and Josie! How'd you know I wasn't at all prepared for the cold weather?! xo

Calling my own bluff

I DID IT!!!!

And...I feel like a brand new woman. I cut it ALL off!  Tonight I saw my favourite hairdresser Alecia at Fiorio, (who coincidently I have not seen since she did my hair for my wedding), and told her I wanted to do something drastic. She asked me how "short" is short, and before I could say another word, she took her sizzors and cut my hair in a straight line WELL ABOVE MY SHOULDERS. BAM! As piles of my long hair hit the floor I burst into laughter. Maybe out of shock... maybe out of nervousness... but mostly because of this crazy feeling of liberation that came over me. I am free! Seriously, that is how I feel. 

I honestly feel fantastic. Maybe it was change, or just doing something for myself, or even feeling pretty again... but getting my hair cut has literally made me feel totally new.  Check. it. out. 

I hope I don't regret this in the morning.

Time for a change

So, my hair is falling out. It's something I noticed about a month ago and to be honest, didn't think too much about it because I know it's a common post natal occurrence.  But... over the last week I have been losing hair at an alarming rate.  In the shower I can literally grab handfuls of hair. Regardless of knowing how "normal" it is, it's still rather shocking.  So I brought it up today at my now regular Thursday mommy coffee date and confirmed it is indeed very common, but no one really had any idea why?  Why do new moms lose their hair?  Less hair loss and more weight loss would be so much better? No?

So, I googled it obviously. And this is what google is saying...  During pregnancy, changes in your hormone levels cause your hair to stay in a resting phase for longer, so you lose less hair on a daily basis. Which is why pregnant women often have luxurious looking hair. It is indeed thicker.   After you give birth and your hormones have settled down — usually at about 12 weeks after delivery — more hair shifts into a shedding phase (which I gue ss is where I am at).  So normally,  you lose about 100 to 125 hairs a day, but after delivery, women lose up to 500 A DAY! So totally disturbing, but normal.

So the hair loss, combined with Rory being at that lovely stage where giving my hair a good tug with all his might is just TOO MUCH fun (so it's tied back or up all the time anyway), I have decided it's time... Time for a change. I am going to cut it off.  The truth is, I have had the same hair "style" for like decades. Long hair, with bangs/without bangs, with layers/without layers, with dye/without dye... but not a whole lot different.  For whatever reason, I am ready. Ready to cut it off. I have an appointment tomorrow at 6pm so I can't change my mind.  I mean, what's the worst that can happen? A bad haircut of course, but my hair grows super fast and it's hat season.

Wish me luck.

PS - speaking of time change... I am sad to say Rory hasn't really adapted that well to the new hour.  Maybe we're going through the typical 4 month sleep regression, but we're up a lot more than we used to be. Rory had been solidly sleeping through the night since he was 3 months old, so this change quite frankly sucks. Peter and I are walking around like the zombies we were when Rory was a newborn, and both have been in bed before 830 every night this week.  It's a routine I hope we break soon. Rory wakes... starts to squeal and laugh into the monitor and we get out of bed to give him his soother and hit his mobile. I am not actually feeding him, but whether you're up for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, you're still up. Broken sleep is broken sleep. Hopefully these wonder weeks are coming to an end soon. I miss my sleep.

Bye bye hair..

Rory is moving SO much these days. He almost is rolling from back to stomach and is sitting on his own now. Well, for a good couple minutes before he face plants into the floor. It really does get more fun each day!

Another anniversary of sorts....

One year ago today, Peter and I had JUST returned from our honeymoon. We arrived back to Toronto via Frankfurt late on a Saturday Nov 7th and were up at the crack of dawn on the Sunday morning due to jet lag. We finally got up at about 5am and decided to go for a walk. We were due to meet my sister Stephanie and her girlfriends for breakfast sometime after 9am at the Senator, and needed to burn off some energy before then. I remember being shocked at how few coffee shops were open at that hour. I thought Toronto was always awake?

We finally found a Starbucks that was open at College Park just after 630am and waited there reading the paper and drinking coffee as the rest of the city woke up. As we sat sipping coffee, an anxiousness I can not explain grew inside my belly and as soon as I saw the lights flash on in the Shoppers Drugmart across the street, I excused myself and bolted over. I didn't even tell Peter what I was doing.

In the last week of our honeymoon I started feeling weird. It's a weirdness I can't explain, but I knew something was different. For the first couple of days I chalked this feeling up to nothing more than the food and drink we consumed during those glorious days and nights in Portugal and Spain. But that feeling didn't go away, and it was a far different feeling than I had ever had before. Finally when we arrived into Malaga for the final week of our honeymoon, I announced to Peter I thought I was pregnant. He laughed, I smiled anxiously and we both agreed it was a crazy notion.

But my anxiousness didn't go away. I took this picture in the Frankfurt airport because I was sure it would be the last beer I consumed for a while. I wanted the memory if that was the case.

So, on that early Sunday morning back in Toronto I knew the only thing that would ease the unknown, was confirming one way or another if our family of two was indeed going to become a family of three.


I sat through breakfast and we made our way back to our Cabbagetown apartment and I headed straight for the bathroom, and with shaky hands, a queasy stomach, and an "I told you so smile", this is what I carried back out with me....

Confirmation I was approx 3 weeks pregnant!!!

In those first few moments of shock, nervousness, excitement and well let's be honest shock... it was so hard to picture our lives a year from that day. Life really does change in a blink of an eye doesn't it?

So it's a day of looking back, and a moment to be reminded of all the wonderful things this world has given us in the last year and the greatest of which for me,  is becoming a mom.


xo

Settling into my mat leave.

Well, we`re almost at the 4 ½ month mark of my maternity leave and I can safely tell you that I am finally settling in. I have often said that motherhood is everything that I expected, and nothing that I expected all at the same wonderfully challenging time… :) But, what caught me a bit by surprise was how challenging I have found being at home every day.  

 

Given the sheer amount of time, blood, sweat and oh god the many tears, I have devoted to my career over the years, I thought I would LOVE a year off.  I had lots of plans, projects and upon completion of the renovation, a “to do” list for our home that was longer than Yonge Street.  I have no idea where that list is anymore, and for a girl who has survived this long in marketing & advertising only by the detail I have been able to manage, I can barely find a pen these days. 

We have come a long way. 

There have been moments over the last few months that I have enjoyed nothing more than curling up with Rory on the floor and watching him play, or laying across from his bassinet watching while he slept, or recently the amazing long autumn walks we have taken together. And then there have been harder and longer days where I will be honest, all I have wanted was some adult conversation and quite honestly, to use my brain a bit. Those are the days I have called Peter for whatever reason I could think of… to talk about the crazy man on the street, the deal I just got at the grocery store, the octave of the squeal that Rory had just made, or the “next step” for our lives that I had just concocted in my idle time. 

God bless that man. 

In the last week or two I have had some major decisions to make. Decisions I proactively brought on in those hard first few months by my uncertainty in being able to stay home for a full year. And in all honesty, probably my uncertainty in being a mom.   In short, I have been contemplating going back to work after Christmas. By being presented with an amazing offer, I have been tempted by the thought of reviving my career in a brand new way and by doing so, giving us a work/life balance that would be more suitable for a family. And thereby turning paternity leave over to Peter as of January 3^rd, 2011. 

After a good hard think and a teeter totter of pros and cons discussed over many late nights and bottles of wine, I woke up Saturday morning of last weekend crystal clear about my decision. There is absolutely no way I want to give up a moment with my baby.  A year to spend with your child is a luxury. Not all moms are afforded the luxury or can afford to take advantage of the luxury to spend the first year of their child's life with them. I am one of the fortunate ones.

Recently I have read a book called Between Interruptions: Thirty Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood.  It’s a collection of essays by Canadian writers that explores the unspoken truths of being a mom. What is lost or cut off in conversation.  I have since lent my book to a friend, but there is a powerful quote that I took from one of the essays that is what helped me make my final decision.  Here is my bad paraphrase of it – “You get one shot to be a mom. Then your child is just out there in the world with everything you have given them.  With kids you don’t get second chances, this is it. With careers you do. You can reinvent your career many times in your life. “

So there it was, and there it is. I am embracing my mat leave like never before.  Today as Rory and I danced to Raffi in the mirror together, I felt a huge weight lifted off my chest. A weight quite frankly I put there myself, but in this day and age none of us ambitious young women will escape coming face to face with the great equilibrium search between family and career.  I just pre-maturely started stressing about mine. Not shocking.

When I think back to all things I put on hold, or canceled on all to be able to stay late at work, or to say yes to that last minute business trip, or to answer one more quick reply on my blackberry, I think I am crazy to have ever even contemplated going back early. `Now instead of meetings I go to moms groups. Instead of incessant blackberry typing, I do incessant diaper changes. Instead of drinks after work, I do Music for Munchkins before lunch.  And I love it all.

After years of making other things wait because of work. Now work can wait. 

I am spending time with my baby. 

 

 Photo Credit - Heather Lynch Photography