Tuesday, August 17, 2010

No matter how you spin it

There are two truths you learn after having a baby. Motherhood ain't easy, and neither is taking off the baby weight. Well... for some it is, but not when you're like me and spent eight and a half months paying homage to your two favourite food groups - nachos and cupcakes. Not.even.kidding.

Anyway, it's been a while since I have felt like, or had time to blog. It's been a busy month with lots of trips and milestones for our little family.  We have attended not one, but TWO out of town weddings (one in which I was the emcee this past weekend - I know, I am crazy), we have spent a long weekend on lake erie, we have celebrated my 31st and champagne birthday, we have met all the Shaughnessy's at a family BBQ and also the entire extended Byrne family at a very large family reunion. It's been busy. Very busy.

So how are things going?  Here's the truth in two parts.  First, things are going really well. We love our little guy to pieces, he makes us smile and laugh every day, he is changing our lives for the better and he is a REALLY good baby. Did you read that list of stuff we have done?  He would have to be a pretty good baby for us to have made it through all of it pretty unscathed. Well... with the exception of a diaper EXPLOSION in Perth on the way to the valley. But we're not talking about that.  One thing is clear, Rory HATES Perth.

This boy is REALLY growing! I can't wait for his 2 month doctors appointment next week to find out what he weighs. I am SURE he has to be over 8lbs now. Maybe even pushing 9. He just feels SO big to me all of the sudden. He is starting to give us those huge smiles that melt your heart, the chatter that makes you laugh and want to talk with him all day long and he will even turn his head to look when we enter a room. He knows his ma and pa and we love that.

So what's part two?  Here is the thing. This ain't easy. The calmness I felt in the first few weeks of Rory's life sometimes gets replaced by anxiousness, irritation, sadness, confusion and fear. Being a new mom is a roller-coaster of emotion I never imagined. In one moment you can be so filled with love you want to burst, and in the very next if given the chance you're sure you could beat Ben Johnson in a foot race to the front door. Then there is the guilt and worry you're not doing enough. The comparison you and everyone else makes to other babies of the same age. The questions... "are you doing this with your baby", or "are you going to do that with your baby".  When did being a baby and growing every day stop being enough for a newborn?? You know, I even contribute to it by the amount of reading I do.  Well.... it's time to take the pressure off and find some of myself buried beneath the weight of being a new mom, and hopefully take some of my baby weight off in the process. All three of us will be happier because of it.

So,  in case you haven't read between the lines, I had a MAJOR moment this week. Rory was super "off" after our time in Almonte and as he was adjusting to being back here...we had a very rough Sunday night and Monday together. Read - Rory didn't sleep well and cried/didn't sleep most of the day on Monday.  When Peter got home I was ready to put the house up for sale and.... actually that is as far as the plan got.  Anyway, today was a MUCH better day.  I tried Rory early this morning in his baby Bjorn carrier and he loved it. And so do I.  We got out for a great walk before 10am and even got most of the errands done in the process. But here is the thing, I don't want to have many more days as intensely off as I/we felt on Monday.

So,  here's the plan or sort of my realization.  I am a MAJOR part of this equilibrium.  Rory and Peter both feed off of my energy, my emotions, my happiness. So I need to do a few things for me, to be able to give back to them. I need to get out more, so I am joining a mom's group beginning in September, twice a week I am going to get out of the house to do a INTENSE spin work out at my favourite spinning gym. I did one tonight and I am a brand new woman and once Rory hits the 3 month mark, we're going to start swimming lessons together.  It's amazing what a little bit of what the old me used to do injected into my life, makes me feel sain again.  Like magic.  I wish eating cupcakes made me feel as good as spinning does.  I am sure I am going to add a few more things as we go, like a music class or something, but I think that's enough for now. I also tend to over commit. I have so much to work on....

Anyway, Here's a new picture take on the play mat today, he likes it for the first time this week. Look at these chubby cheeks...

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